Marriage/ Divorce/ Unequally Yoked

[Vlad III]

Today I found out 2 friends of mine are getting a divorce. They are both LDS, but she has decided Mormonism is no longer for her. As he explained it briefly, they are heading down seperate paths and have filed for divorce.

Now in the LDS religion, marriage is not just for this life on earth but is something that can/will last for eternity. Christians believe in 'until death do you part' at which point marriage is no longer necessary or desired.

What are your thoughts about LDS (like my friends above) that get married and then end up getting a divorce because one of the spouses no longer believes in the LDS faith? Is it acceptable for a spouse to divorce his partner because of their change in faith? Should they stick it out and see if things change down the road?

What about for christian couples? Is it advised to divorce a spouse if the spouse no longer accepts christianity? Since marriage is only for this life, should they just stick it out and hope that the unconverted regains faith in christianity? Where does the teaching of being 'unequally yoked' come into play in both christian and Mormon marriages?

Thanks for your thoughts and comments. And please know that given this situation of my good friend, I am asking these questions for understanding and not as a platform to debate and argue. :)

[Libby]

Marriage and divorce is such a personal thing, it's really difficult to make a judgment, without knowing all the details.

I'm sorry your friends are getting a divorce.

I don't think religion (alone) is a good reason to get a divorce, especially if the couple already has children (you didn't say whether or not they did)...but, with children, whatever problems they were going to have being married are not going to go away with divorce. The problems (in dealing with the kids) could actually get worse.

I think it's good when people do marry within their own religion, but obviously that is not always a guarantee, because people do change over time.

For myself, marriage is a very serious commitment that should only be broken for very, very serious reasons (abuse or something like that).

[Libby]

My husband and I have never been on the same page in regards to religion. He is simply not interested and I've always been very interested and seeking. That has never bothered him, as long as I didn't involve him. :)

[Vlad III]

My husband and I have never been on the same page in regards to religion. He is simply not interested and I've always been very interested and seeking. That has never bothered him, as long as I didn't involve him. :)

Thanks for your thoughts. And no, they do not have any children so in that regard there aren't other lives affected.

[Libby]

Thanks for your thoughts. And no, they do not have any children so in that regard there aren't other lives affected.

You're welcome.

Not having children does make it less complicated.

Are you going to give your opinion, Vlad? I'm not sure whether or not you're married, but would you leave your wife, if she left the church?

[Vlad III]

You're welcome.

Not having children does make it less complicated.

Are you going to give your opinion, Vlad? I'm not sure whether or not you're married, but would you leave your wife, if she left the church?

I'm married with 3 kids. I'm not sure what I would do in that situation. I think it would depend on a lot of things.

My point is that for LDS, marriage is a much greater committment (not in a demeaning way toward non-LDS of course) since it isn't just for 50+ years and that's it. It's for FOREVER. So like the case of my friend, I can understand one wanting to seperate based on a disbelief in that doctrine since it wouldn't be fair to the faithful LDS to stay together knowing that that particular marriage would not be sealed for eternity.

OTOH I can understand staying together and knowing that God rewards the faithful regardless of their spouses decisions and there would still be those blessings in the eternities for the faithful.

Libby, what were your feelings about your marriage to your husband while you were LDS? Did you ever think about it in a long-term sense? You could give an interesting perspective having been in both camps. :)

[Libby]

I'm married with 3 kids. I'm not sure what I would do in that situation. I think it would depend on a lot of things.

Yes, that would definitely be more difficult. I am all for parents staying together for their kids, if they can possibly make it work. Divorce is so very hard on kids.


My point is that for LDS, marriage is a much greater committment (not in a demeaning way toward non-LDS of course) since it isn't just for 50+ years and that's it. It's for FOREVER. So like the case of my friend, I can understand one wanting to seperate based on a disbelief in that doctrine since it wouldn't be fair to the faithful LDS to stay together knowing that that particular marriage would not be sealed for eternity.

I take it your friends are not sealed in the temple? Or maybe they are? I'm not sure how all of that works, in regards to divorce, when couples are sealed in the temple. I ***ume your friend would have grounds for dissolving the sealing, since his wife left the church?

The thing is, who knows if she is out for good? Or that he is even going to stay, a lifetime, himself? As I said, people do tend to change over time....even people you think never will...


OTOH I can understand staying together and knowing that God rewards the faithful regardless of their spouses decisions and there would still be those blessings in the eternities for the faithful.

Yes, that's what spouses of non-members are told.


Libby, what were your feelings about your marriage to your husband while you were LDS? Did you ever think about it in a long-term sense? You could give an interesting perspective having been in both camps. :)

I think I had hopes that my husband would convert someday, but as time went on, I kind of knew that wasn't really going to happen. I didn't worry about it, too much. I believed things would work out, somehow. My husband is quite a bit older than me. I thought, either I might be sealed to him, after his death, or remarry an LDS man. Again, it's not really something I thought about too much.

Now that I know he won't have a chance after this life, I talk to him a little more about spiritual matters (as much as he will allow, anyway :)) and pray for him.

[alanmolstad]

What are your thoughts about LDS (like my friends above) that get married and then end up getting a divorce because one of the spouses no longer believes in the LDS faith?


Is it acceptable for a spouse to divorce his partner because of their change in faith?


Should they stick it out and see if things change down the road?


The problem is that is a lot more easy to say "Stick it out" compared to being the person in this situation.

My view is that I do not want a person to ever get divorced due to a different religion.
I believe that even a Mormon husband knows that its better to have a wife that is Christian rather than having a EX-wife that is christian.

however if two people cant get along then it's ok to split up.
But Im not suggesting they get divorced.
You can live apart for the rest of your life if you can work out the arrangements.

howrever, in many cases, the wife is better protected if she gets a divorce, and this I have seen to be true.


but i still would suggest that divorce not be on the table while you try to work things out...

[James Banta]

The problem is that is a lot more easy to say "Stick it out" compared to being the person in this situation.

My view is that I do not want a person to ever get divorced due to a different religion.
I believe that even a Mormon husband knows that its better to have a wife that is Christian rather than having a EX-wife that is christian.

however if two people cant get along then it's ok to split up.
But Im not suggesting they get divorced.
You can live apart for the rest of your life if you can work out the arrangements.

howrever, in many cases, the wife is better protected if she gets a divorce, and this I have seen to be true.


but i still would suggest that divorce not be on the table while you try to work things out...

I have to separate civil marriage from Christian marriage.. A civil marriage these days can be almost anything. As long a it is between consenting human adults it seems to be legal.. Christian marriage on the other hand a man and a woman who under the authority of God covenant together to reflect the unity of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.. That bond if it is real and guided by faith is a marriage that can't be broken through small arguments.. There will be times when one partner is always walking with the Lord. So even if one partner is in rebellion. If that is the case the marriage will continue all their days.. But as the Lord told Sadducees the woman of their discussion will not be married in the Kingdom but will be like the angels in heaven.. IHS jim

[neverending]

The problem is that is a lot more easy to say "Stick it out" compared to being the person in this situation.

My view is that I do not want a person to ever get divorced due to a different religion.
I believe that even a Mormon husband knows that its better to have a wife that is Christian rather than having a EX-wife that is christian.

however if two people cant get along then it's ok to split up.
But Im not suggesting they get divorced.
You can live apart for the rest of your life if you can work out the arrangements.

howrever, in many cases, the wife is better protected if she gets a divorce, and this I have seen to be true.


but i still would suggest that divorce not be on the table while you try to work things out...

I will share with you exactly what happens when a wife has her spouse leave the LDS Church. This happened to me. I had my father call me one day and told me I needed to divorce James and find a devoted member who was worthy. I would get a temple divorce so that I could remarry this new, worthy man. I was appalled and it was very hurtful to James. It usually won't work. If the wife is going off to church every sunday and is active, it causes jealousy and the husband feels alone. This is not how God would want a married couple to live. It is clear when we were told in God's word, to not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. This also goes for friendships too. I lost a life long friend due to having left the LDS Church, and I was the bad guy being accused that my leaving the faith caused problems for the friendship even though I never talked about my new found faith with my friend. All I ever did was explain to my friend that I couldn't attend a baptism or a farewell.

[Apologette]

I will share with you exactly what happens when a wife has her spouse leave the LDS Church. This happened to me. I had my father call me one day and told me I needed to divorce James and find a devoted member who was worthy. I would get a temple divorce so that I could remarry this new, worthy man. I was appalled and it was very hurtful to James. It usually won't work. If the wife is going off to church every sunday and is active, it causes jealousy and the husband feels alone. This is not how God would want a married couple to live. It is clear when we were told in God's word, to not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. This also goes for friendships too. I lost a life long friend due to having left the LDS Church, and I was the bad guy being accused that my leaving the faith caused problems for the friendship even though I never talked about my new found faith with my friend. All I ever did was explain to my friend that I couldn't attend a baptism or a farewell.

It's so sad to lose long time friends - I had a friend of mine who I had known for 25 years who had claimed to be an Evangelical, but later went into a Latin rite Roman Catholic church (cult as far as I'm concerned). It pretty much destroyed our friendship when she became ultra-antagonistic toward evangelicals.