God-Free,
I really am curious about the origins of how you came to unbelief.
With great respect,
MacG
Printable View
God-Free,
I really am curious about the origins of how you came to unbelief.
With great respect,
MacG
MacG,
I want you to know I'm not ignoring you. I promise to get to this ASAP.
It isn’t possible for me to pinpoint exactly when I stopped believing. My questioning began when I was a child and several more times throughout the years. I’ll try to condense this, as best I can, by only talking about four of my most vivid memories. This will take two to four posts. So, please don’t reply until I’m finished.
Memory 1:
As a child, I attended Sunday School. It took place in the lower level of the church while the adult services were held in the upper level. As you’d expect, I was taught the usual child-appropriate lessons and we’d sing songs and whatnot. From the cl***room, I could hear the music coming from the choir upstairs. I’ve always liked music and, at home, I loved hearing my mom singing in harmony to the music on the radio. So, it should come as no surprise to anyone that I wanted very badly to be in the room from where those beautiful sounds were coming. One Sunday morning, I think I was about 6 years old, I decided to skip my usual lessons and sit-in on the adult service. I knew I was taking a chance and that I might be sent back downstairs but, to me, it was worth the risk.
I walked into the room along with everyone else and took a seat a few rows back from the pulpit. Needless to say, I made sure to stay quiet and be on my best behavior. No one questioned my presence. Success!
Out comes the pastor; there’s a prayer and the sermon begins. It was about the sinful nature of humanity. I’m pretty sure this was the first time I’d heard the story presented without the “fluffiness” that children usually get (in fact, this is the first memory I have of hearing that story, period). When I heard the pastor say that we deserve to be punished for Adam’s & Eve’s actions, my first thought was (keep in mind, I'm only 6 now), "Hey! That's not fair! I didn't have anything to do with that. I wasn't even born yet."
I don’t recall anything about what my parents and grandparents told me when I questioned them about this. I only know that I did and, even though I was unsatisfied with their answers, I trusted that they wouldn’t deceive me. And so I continued to believe “Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so.”
And, by the way, the choir was GREAT! No regrets on that front. I didn’t even get into trouble for going to the adult service instead of my usual Sunday School cl***. At least, not that I remember.
Memory 2:
By the age of 16, after attending church and having been involved in church youth programs, I realized that everything I knew about God/Jesus came from sermons as well as from selected or ***igned p***ages from the Bible. I decided that if I were going to call myself a true Christian, I should at least read the entire Bible. So, I closed the door and started reading. It wasn’t very long before I began to think, “This can’t be right. I have to be reading it wrong.” I would read p***ages over and over just to see if I misread something. Eventually, I chose to put it down because of the thoughts and feelings it provoked in me. I was afraid God/Jesus would judge me harshly. Although, I was still a believer, it was about this time that I stopped attending church regularly, and several years would p*** before I would attempt to read the Bible again.
Memory 3:
In my early to mid 20s, I had finished school, was working for a living, and enjoying time with my friends. One of those friends was a musician, a psychology student, and a very religious fellow. During one of his visits to my home, he noticed my Bible on a table which I had, once again, started reading. I had made more progress this time but I was still somewhere in the Old Testament. He said, “I see you’re reading your Bible. Good.” Then he picked it up and, without asking, removed my bookmark and placed it at the beginning of the New Testament. He said, “This is all you need to read.” He went on to give me his reasons (a mini sermon, if you will) but I couldn’t hear what he was saying -- I was flabbergasted that he would take that liberty and think it was okay because…Jesus.
Eventually, I did manage to read most of the Old Testament and then I knew why my friend didn’t want me to read it. The God of the Old Testament is a … well, let’s just say he’s not the loving, all knowing God my church pastor wanted me to think he is. But, I still held on to my hope that Jesus is my salvation.
Memory 4:
Another twenty-plus years p***ed and then 9/11 happened. I’m sure I need not elaborate on the events of that day.
Upon learning the reasons given for the attack (holy war) and finding out that three years before the attacks
"Al-Qaeda released a Fatwa, stating "We -- with God's help -- call on every Muslim who believes in God and wishes to be rewarded to comply with God's order to kill the Americans…", I couldn't help wondering how they could possibly believe the things they do.
After giving this some thought, I realized that, in order to be able to carry out such a terrible attack, the perpetrators must have had strong and unwavering faith that they were really carrying out the will of their God. But, were they really? Did they really believe God wanted this to happen, or did they blindly take the word of the men who told them that God wanted it done? Shouldn’t I ask the same kinds of questions about the God I believe in?
Even 9/11 didn’t put an end to my belief in Jesus as my Lord and Savior. It did, however, give me good reason to seriously consider why I believed it.
So, why did I believe it? Quite simply, it’s what I was raised to believe and, it became apparent that what I believed had a lot to do with geography and tradition as well.
During the last 13 years, I’ve taken advantage of the wealth of information available on the world wide web and I highly recommend that others do the same. I’ve read nearly all of the Bible and I’ve conversed with lots and lots of believers and non-believers. The result, for me, has been that it no longer makes sense to believe anything on faith (i.e. with no valid evidence to support it). As I said earlier, I can’t pinpoint exactly when I stopped believing, but I did.
Phew! That took longer than I expected but I got it done in 3 posts instead of 4. I hope it makes sense.
