ExMormon review on the temple experiences.
A man view) In the Celestial room that day an old friend of the family, faithful Mormon, came up to shake my hand, and asked me what I thought about it - wasn't it wonderful? Of course, I said yes. And then he said, "Oh, in the old days it was frightening! All this talk about ripping out your tongue and gushing your bowels out on the ground! It's much nicer now!" I remember thinking, but if this is the "correct, pure, unadulterated" endowment as established thousands of years ago by God, how could it have changed?
A woman view)The endowment was bizarre. As we took our seats on the left and dad sat on the right, I remember wondering why "forever families" can't sit together in the temple. I wanted to sit with both my parents. I also remember trying my best to keep up and to not cry in frustration. Of course I didn't know enough to question then why I felt the need to cry in frustration in the house of the lord. I hated the movie. ******. This was in 1987 so I got the full, gory penalties. They scared me. I knew I'd never be able to live up to all those promises, so I just knew god was going to disembowel me before it was over.
Of course, I spent years berating myself for not being worthy enough to feel the spirit of the temple. Of course it was my fault. It had to be my fault. The church couldn't possibly be at fault. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized I hated it. I hate everything about the temple. It just felt so ... wrong.
Another woman's view) It's almost like a miracle," the temple worker gushed as she told me my new name... There were tears in my eyes as I sat there thinking that there must have been *some* reason why Almighty God saw fit to bestow upon me a "new name" that was basically my old name with a change in spelling. Maybe He thought I was a little deficient in the memory department and decided to take it easy on me...
I had always wished my real name was spelled "Deborah" anyway...so I decided that was God's gift to me...
Of course I hadn't a clue that *every other* woman who went through that day was also receiving Deborah as her new name. That knowledge would definitely have put a dent in the "specialness" of the occasion. It's kinda like how kids are totally astounded by a stage magician's sleight-of-hand until they see how the trick is done...
Another woman's view) And I don't hide my face behind a veil to seek God in prayer---oh that prayer circle hurt. On my wedding day, I was sequestered and alone in mounds of anonymous fabric and not even God --it seemed--could bear the sight of a woman in his circle. How do I covenant to Love that which does not seem to love me enough to abide my sighting? No, I had to leave the temple to eventually to find God---or the animating spirit that moves the universe whatever we call it. The spirit found its way into my body's temple and my heart. Oh, the relief of being known and loved just as I am... its the first step of trusting that I can get to know God too...
So, that was my temple wedding---my trip through Oz...No I didn't see the man (or men) manipulating everything behind the curtains that day --but as we drove off I swear I could see the sky full of flying monkeys who were carrying off my bikini panties and French cut bra...
God Bless you all who are my fellow wayfarers through grief. I will take what is worth keeping and disregard the rest.
I'll trust Jesus Christ's message: "The Kingdom of Heaven is within you." And within me.
Not possible.
Reply With Quote
Originally Posted by Sir
