But you are having such a hard time with it that it seems like you are drifting further from God rather than closer.
No, not really. I have actually come a long way in the last three months. And, like I said, my husband loves this church, especially the Pastor (and so do I, really), so I am afraid he simply would stop going, if I changed. That's what he did before. It took years to get him back in the church...I don't want to disturb what he has in this one.

Bottom line is that in practical terms there is not a lot of differences between the two if you sit down and look at it.
Yes, I'm coming around to seeing that...which is why I said, I could end up back where I started. I think, I just needed to work through some things that were troubling me. Sometimes, when you step away from something, for awhile, as I did, you can come back with a new perspective.